2002, PG-13, 124 minutes

The James Bond franchise has nothing to worry about, even if they do make a sequel to this piece of crap. While I believe the hype about Vin Diesel being the next big action star may be true, he needs to be very careful about selecting good screenplays and especially the people he decides to work with. While The Fast and the Furious was better than I expected, with XXX I can say with utmost confidence that director Rob Cohen is an absolute hack.

XXX is a movie filmed with the mentality of a fourteen-year-old boy, failing to demonstrate even the slightest ability to create suspense or a sense of reality (see the absurd snow boarding scene). The plot, as well as some of the action sequences, have holes in them larger than the Grand Canyon, but these mistakes are forgivable compared to the horrendous dialogue, which I can only classify as "porno bad."

Equally bad is the overly loud and often out-of-place music, which only accomplishes to take away from what's happening on screen. On the other hand, the music does make a nice counterpart to Cohen's immense lack of restraint, as he is apparently unaware of the fine line between sexy and vulgar. It's also kind of sad to see Samuel L. Jackson slumming in this dog to pick up a paycheck. In the end, XXX's porno-esque title turns out to be all too appropriate, as it is little more than an immature filmmaker blowing his load.